In a BYU religion class, students were given an exam. One of the questions was “What scriptural hero do you mostly associate yourself with and why?” How would you respond to the first part? Nephi? Peter? Moroni? One student wrote: Lucifer.
As you can imagine, the Honor Code was immediately notified. No, that’s not true. On the contrary. Professor Nibley was actually quite impressed with the honesty of the student. So am I.
You should be too. Admit it – your nature is at least partially devilish. Don’t you wish sometimes you could rule the world? Don’t you dream from time to time about having a super power of putting thoughts in other people’s heads? Or make them share all of your opinions? What about ending all that mess of ideas and philosophies once and for all? Do we need all that confusion? Why not set some laws and regulations which would finally bring order to the world? And don’t tell me you never thought about hurting someone just because he disrespected you or because things are going better for him than for you? Well, you must admit, we don’t differ from each other as much as you might think.
As a devil, let me tell you – being an evil spirit is not as bad as they say. It’s exciting! We constantly find new ways of recruiting new angels, turning Saints against God and his servants, develop innovative tactics and arguments. Most of our strategies are as old as the world, but using them never gets boring. Especially now, when so many useful new tools are available. For example, in the past, false philosophies spread extremely slowly. People shared them by talking to each other, occasionally writing them down for a larger audience which included future generations. I thought the printing press was amazing until the Internet was invented. Now I put a doubt in one person’s heart and in a matter of seconds, hundreds of suckers get infected all over the world.
Don’t you already regret having agreed to cross the vail of forgetfulness and start seeing things with your physical eyes only, which – as you know – don’t detect everything? Being a devil is an extremely satisfying profession, believe me! Granted, there is also the never-ending pain due to the endless feeling of jealousy and anger, constantly being surrounded by real jerks, realization that any improvement of character is no longer possible. And that persistent discomfort caused by the absence of the physical body. I don’t claim to live in paradise. But if you ignore the eternal unhappiness thing, being an invisible, evil spirit which one way or another is able to put thoughts in people’s minds, is really, really fun. How can I help you understand this? The only thing that comes somewhat close would be running an election campaign in a democratic state.
Think about all that joy of watching people leave the Church of Jesus Christ after learning one little detail from the life of Joseph Smith – something totally taken out of the context which – if fully understood – would totally change their mind about it. Or seeing those who – not that long ago tried to convince us of the virtues of their Leader but are now embarrassed to be his disciples, because of my sophistry. Because their Creator refuses to accept the values taught by the world to a large degree controlled by our department. Ha ha! Nothing compares!
You might wonder why I am writing all this. Yes, I am aware that revealing our tactics with the enemy might give you some advantage. No, this has nothing to do with my situation. I admit that there are some downsides of being an eternally damned creature. One of them I already mentioned – the guys I get to work with. They are not only mean to the humans but to each other as well. And our boss… Between you and me - he is a real jerk. It won’t be an exaggeration if I say – he is the biggest jerk in the universe. I won’t bore you with details. Suffice it to say – he doesn’t keep his promises. Yes, I have received a few promotions, but – I won’t bore you with the details – they were more like degradations, actually. But this has nothing to do with this blog. Read it and believe every word I say here and you will have as much fun as I do. But please, don’t share my articles with anyone!
I wish you hell of a time!
Yours truly,
devil
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